Dear high-school junior Hannah,
Okay, I'm just going to get straight to the point - I know that things are pretty awful right now, and I'm sorry to tell you that you're not going to be really where you want to be in life for a few years. Yep, that's right - years. I know that you're going through what is probably the worst time of your life, and there's very little hope for getting out of the situation you're in, but you will in due time, in the most unexpected of ways.
First, stop hating California. You didn't hate it there, and you won't when you move there next summer after you graduate. Yes, you read that right - next summer, you will be moving into your dad's house in California with all the kids and step-siblings and everybody, and it's going to be exactly what you need in life. It won't be what you want, but it will be what you need, and it's all part of God's plan.
Yes, you are still a Christian! And as crazy as it may sound, in the next five years, you will grow closer to the God you love more than you could ever imagine. I know it doesn't feel like God is there when you're dealing with all the things you're dealing with right now, but He always is and always will be. And no, you aren't going to become closer to God by going to a Christian university. In fact, you won't attend a Christian university at all because that is not what He has in store for you. (Besides, it's way too expensive anyhow.) But I promise you will love college so much more than the schooling you have right now. You're going to make some amazing friends, you're going to accomplish so much, and even though it's pretty far away, you're going to graduate.
Speaking of which, you're going to also go through a LOT of financial problems soon. It's going to be hard to pay for your classes in your first few semesters of college, and it's going to look so impossible to keep going sometimes, but you will. You will walk across that stage with your friends and family cheering you on, I promise. It's not always going to be this way.
I know it's so hard to keep going right now, but you have got this. God has a plan through all of the difficult things you're going through right now, and you're going to become a better person for it. You will get out of the place you feel stuck in, and it's going to be so amazing when you do. I am so incredibly proud of you and how much effort you are putting into persevering right now. You are doing a great job, no matter what anyone tells you.
(Also, try to stop thinking about boys so much. I promise there's so much better things that could be on your mind right now.)
Your 22-year-old self