September 2026 "Identity" By Leslie Rivera

As we navigate our adult lives, we learn how to manage relationships and goals. Both of those things can be complicated, and it gets even more complicated if you are not secure in your own identity. When you don't know who you are, it can be easy to define yourself based on your relationships and aspirations rather than those things being part of your identity. I myself had to learn this the hard way when I crumbled under the expectations placed on me by myself and others. I determined my worth based on how much my friends liked me and how well I did academically in comparison to my peers. Whenever either of those were challenged, I felt my sense of identity begin to crack.

I now know that what was actually cracking was the mask I made in place of an identity. Once that mask was fully broken, I was forced to confront the fact that I did not know who I was outside of ambitions and friendships. During this time in my life, I held a lot of resentment, bitterness, and fear. Resentment of my parents for pushing me to do well in school and myself for not being "special" enough. I was bitter towards peers and friends for perceived slights that they never thought about, but I held onto. Most of all I was afraid of mediocrity—of being forgettable. I was so concerned with what I was and what I had to be that I never developed who I was.

   Basing your identity on relationships and goals allows for insecurity to take root. It can make you lash out when relationships start to change, and it can cause stress when your goals get farther away from attainment. Knowing who you are outside of those things allows you to grow and evolve, and most importantly, remain secure in your place in the world.

   Developing your sense of identity is not easy, but it is so incredibly worth it. It takes years to feel comfortable with yourself, not to mention that your identity changes as you go through life. I am only now becoming secure in my own identity, and my own journey is far from over. I still battle insecurities so deeply ingrained in my soul, but I am getting better at silencing those negative thoughts. I am now able to feel proud of other people's accomplishments, and I now have the drive to get the things that I want. Lastly, I encourage everyone to form their sense of identity because you are the one that must live with who you are.