October 2025 "Why Can’t I remember?" Short fiction by Halenna Castillo

     I’m Lewis, I’m 18 years old, and judging by the tally marks, it's been a month since I’ve been here. I don’t know how I got here, and I honestly can’t remember much about myself. Whenever I try to recall anything, my head starts to pound, and it feels like someone is bashing my head in. The place that has been my supposed home is this old house out in the country.

     Here's what I’ve noticed since being here a month: the first thing is I never feel anything I should—things like tiredness, heat, cold. I simply don’t feel them. One thing I do often feel is hunger. It’s like an itch I can’t reach. It really messes with me. Some days, I can only think about hunger. Seriously, it gets bad, like someone is clawing at my skull and gnawing on my skin to find food. I really hate those days. I’m not me on those days. Despite the hunger, the house itself is creepy. It's one of the two-story southern homes you find in a horror movie, with a bunch of antiques and dust all over. The windows are all boarded up, so little natural light gets in. There’re so many flies, and it makes me more irritable.

     I spend most of my days just wandering the house, trying to undo the bolts on the front door. The funny thing is, I don’t ever remember walking up to this house, let alone just being here. It’s like I appeared. I remember my name, Lewis, and being 18. I question why I’m here often, especially why everything is boarded up. That bothers me. Why can’t I remember? I don’t even remember the little things, like what I liked or disliked. Why can’t I remember! I grab the base of my skull and can feel that pounding headache, and, god, that hunger just won’t go away. I can’t even look at the mirror in this house because there aren’t any. There is one in the bathroom, and it's shattered. How annoying, I make my way downstairs to look in the kitchen, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve done this, knowing the same outcome each time. There's nothing, some old jars of canned fruits and other oddities. I dig around and nothing, just nothing. I can’t help but trash the kitchen and throw a jar out of anger.

     The day slowly falls to night, and I make my way back upstairs, in the same old room, lying down in the same crummy bed. I don’t really sleep, but I don’t have anything better to do. 

     Just as the night slowly passes by, I hear it. A loud thud! I flinched and froze on the bed. Usually, the only noises I hear are from birds and passing animals, but this was much louder. I get off the bed and carefully walk down the hallway, avoiding the creaky boards. I peek my head out to see the stairway and see the front door. Another thud, following another. It's hard to see with so little light, but the front door starts to have moonlight leaking through, and I think someone is breaking through the boarded door. Finally! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get through that door, but someone was breaking through! I never felt this excited before, and as the door starts to shatter and fall through, the thuds stop.

     That's when I see a flashlight shine through, and then not one but three people walk through. The one who broke through looked to be a man. He held a shotgun in hand, the others being a lanky guy and a thin girl roughly my age. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to see people again. They look kinda rough and dirty. They must've been traveling, but why the weapons? I try to speak, but nothing comes out—another setback I noticed since being here. They make their way around the first floor. Oh God, I’m so excited. I make my way downstairs, and the girl sees me, her flashlight pointing at me, blinding my eyes. I can’t really see her face from the light, but she gasps, and it's odd, but I can sense her fear. It's right then my hunger is screaming at me.

     I lose control over my body, and I launch towards her. She ducks and shouts,  I fall down the stairs, landing on the floor. I can hear hurried footsteps, and there goes the hunger. It fully takes over, and it makes me crawl my way back up and dash towards the people. I definitely broke something. My leg isn't moving how it should. I can hear a crunching sound as I move. The girl ducks behind the guy, and with his gun in hand, don’t tell me he's going BANG- he shot me! I stumbled back a little. He hit my chest! Is he trying to kill me!? The man appears and shields them, shotgun in hand. Oh God, they are trying to kill me. I stumble down the hall to avoid them. Why are they trying to kill me? She looked horrified. Was I a bad-looking dude? Still, that guy didn’t hesitate to shoot me, and god, why is my hunger acting up now?

     I can hear them. One of them is heading my way. I stumble around and reach at my chest. That shot will definitely kill me, right? Maybe I should just run for it. Before I can even move, bullets barely miss my head. Standing down the hall, the man is reloading his shotgun. I hurry down the other way towards the door. I should try to find a phone and call the cops on these crazy people. They are the ones who literally broke in and started shooting. I can’t stop now. I push forward. God, shouldn’t this hurt? Maybe it's adrenaline. Why am I not bleeding much? Too many questions left unanswered. My hunger is at its peak, but I feel too weak. I'm so close to the door. BANG! Bullets hit my back. I fall forward to the ground. Why are they doing this to me? They approach me with caution. The man comes up as I try to crawl away, but the man grabs me and flips me over, facing him. He flashes his light in my face, and that is when I can finally hear them. The man speaks coldly, “This one ran away from us, kinda scrawny too. Must've gotten stuck in here.” The guy chimes in, “Aren’t we going to kill it? It tried attacking Lily,” he groans. “God, it stinks too.” Are they talking about me? Why are they talking about me like that? I'm so hungry, my head is pounding, and I'm scared. I miss my parents and my brother. Why do I remember that?

     My name is Lewis. I’m 18. No, I’m not. I'm 20. Hold on. 20? Wait, this is too much information all at once. The Girl—I mean Lily—speaks up, “I…I think it's crying?” The Man looks over and says, “My God, it is…” 

The Man kneels beside me, his voice less cold. “Can you understand me?” I glance at the man. He looks at me strangely, and I can feel my tears fall.

     How strange, it’s coming back to me now. I haven’t been here for a month. It's been a year. My brother and I came here. He left to get more supplies but never came back, telling me to stay safe and wait before he left. But I was so hungry, so I went. I got cornered and ran back. I was so scared that I boarded the place up in a panic. I was in so much pain. Then I could see the changes in me. I hated the sight and broke the mirror. I didn’t want to accept my reality. I knew what I was now, and although I couldn't speak, I looked at the man to finally end this nightmare.

     Finally, I don't have to feel that sickening hunger anymore.