I am sitting in the front seat
of a cruiser off the highway.
I am watching through the windshield
for the girl to turn and see me,
but she stands there simply staring,
and before I even exit,
I am reaching for my sidearm.
My holster leather’s worn.
“It is safe now. He will help you,”
says the girl to her jacket
to the rabbit who is tucked there--
she hands over as it shudders.
And I look the other way
as she is sobbing her goodbye.
I’m pretending not to be sick.
Instead, I clear my throat.
There I am sitting in the front seat
of a cruiser off the highway.
I am watching through the windshield
for the girl to turn and see me,
but she stands there simply staring,
and before I even exit,
I am reaching for my sidearm.
My holster leather’s worn.
“It is safe now. He will help you,”
says the girl to her jacket
to the rabbit who is tucked there--
she hands over as it shudders.
And I look the other way
as she is sobbing her goodbye.
I’m pretending not to be sick.
Instead, I clear my throat.
There's the rabbit on the inside
looking outside. Does it see me?
No, it does not really see me
′cause its eyes are glazing over.
Now, I’m trying not to get sick
as its entrails brush my hand,
but as I’m handling my weapon,
I take it to the woods.
Oh! This snow, it will continue
through the morning as I'm driving
to the college I patrol lots.
I’m thinking of the ice
and of the dispatch once upon a time
before the snow fell down.
I finish up my report,
and soon I’ll see my wife. The rabbit on the inside
looking outside. Does it see me?
No, it does not really see me
′cause its eyes are glazing over.
Now, I’m trying not to get sick
as its entrails brush my hand,
but as I’m handling my weapon,
I take it to the woods.
Oh! This snow, it will continue
through the morning as I'm driving
to the college I patrol lots.
I’m thinking of the ice
and of the dispatch once upon a time
before the snow fell down.
I finish up my report,
and soon I’ll see my wife.----Paula Rawlings
Suzanne Vega's folk-music revivalist song, "Tom's Diner," was released in 1987. The melody occurred to her one day as she was walking down Broadway Street in New York. She frequented Tom's Restaurant at 112th and Broadway during her college days in Manhattan because it was one of the only places open all night, and this is where she staged the events of her song. She built the song over several mornings at the restaurant and from events that happened at a church nearby, and it’s not about nothing, as some people think, or breakfast, but it’s about alienation from everyone.
Feelings of alienation are common among law enforcement officers, and the calls they respond to can be extremely serious and stressful, completely nonsense and stressful, stressful and funny, mentally draining and stressful, or not so bad. Many individuals enter law enforcement with the purpose of keeping others safe; some go into it because it’s a generational thing, and others might enter academy because they think it’s a really cool thing to do only to find out, oh so soon, how serious the job is and how few people appreciate their efforts.
One day I asked a retired Alaska police officer, if he had any calls he’s responded to which he might be willing to share with me, and I quickly began arranging his story to fit into the tune of “Tom’s Diner.” I've always enjoyed making up my own songs, and when a popular tune like “Tom's Diner” gets stuck in my head, I often write my own lyrics to shake it off. The piece above, “Sam's Haze,” represents recurring thoughts that, like an earworm, a law enforcement officer may not want to revisit. So, by reworking those thoughts, they can get through a shift, a week, a year, or even through life.
This idea of reworking thoughts resonates with the narrative technique of stream of consciousness, a narrative style Vega adopted for writing her song, and one I simply copied. It’s an internal monologue—a technique designed to carry the reader through events as if currently present. Although people don’t generally think in complete sentences or even in rhythm, stream of consciousness is a way of expressing what one is currently thinking—the observations, physical and mental feelings, and even the lack of thought are there for readers to wonder over.
Works Cited
Top 2000 a gogo. “Suzanne Vega - Tom’s Diner | The Story Behind the Song.” YouTube, 23 July 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=D99PhzEIWuA.
Delf, Liz. “What Is Stream of Consciousness? | Definition and Examples.” College of Liberal Arts, 12 Nov. 2019, liberalarts.oregonstate.edu/wlf/what-stream-consciousness.
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